literature

MMDB4K: DA Chapter 1

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Literature Text

(The reception is slow. The food table consists of many 2-liters of soda and a tray full of Wawa Hotdogs. Fox, Harold and Julie stand around in a circle.)
Harold: Is it just me or is this the weirdest funeral ever?
Foxie: Well... I once went to a funeral where the eulogy consisted of a man yelling and screaming about how the deceased screwed him over in a raunchy poker game.
Julie: Did he finally kill himself or did he actually like... die die?
Harold: Natural causes, I heard.
(Things progress slowly until a strange fellow in a black suit approaches the group.)
Strange Fellow: Hello. I've been instructed to give you these.
(He hands out small invitations to a gathering following the reception.)
Harold: What's this...? (Harold reads the invitation aloud.) We Know You Did It. Come to the Investigation scheduled conveniently after the funeral.
Foxie: Investigation?
Julie: Was there... FOUL PLAY???
(Dramatic music plays. Everyone looks around baffled. The music fades out.)
Harold: Was he murdered???
Strange Fellow: Come to the investigation. All will be explained.
Harold: And you are?
Strange Fellow: Strangefellow. Arthur P. Strangefellow.
Julie: Flourescent lighting burns my eyes...
Foxie: ... Okay...
(Strangefellow walks off.)
Harold: Suspiscion of murder... Do they think one of us was involved or something???
Foxie: I guess so. But why would we want to KILL BILL?
(The dramatic music kicks in again.)
Julie: (whispers) volume three...
Foxie: That was stupid.
(The investigation is held in the same place as the reception. A circle of people sit in a circle. The purposefulness of the previous sentence's redundancy was written on purpose. Going around the room we see Foxie, Harold, Julie, Characters Kitty-Bill, Sky, and Raven.)
Kitty-Bill: ... Hey.
Foxie: Hi.
Kitty-Bill: ... You look different... I don't know what it is, but you look different.
Foxie: I'm half-balding and part machine.
Kitty-Bill: THAT'S IT.
Foxie: You don't look different... at all...
Kitty-Bill: Yeah...
(Sky looks around with shifty eyes.)
Kitty-Bill: What's your story, Wolfie?
(Sky glares at him.)
Sky: Scram, pussy.
(Kitty-Bill looks at him and rubs his chin, shifting his eyes to Raven who has yet to say a word. He jumps on her head.)
Kitty-Bill: Haven't seen you around in awhile.
Raven: Yeah... (She looks around.)
Kitty-Bill: Where have you been?
Raven: ... Around...
Kitty-Bill: I see...
(Strangefellow takes the head of the circle. Something about him seems strikingly familiar to a handful of the suspects.)
Strangefellow: Greetings all... I think we all know why we're here...
(Sky shifts his eyes from left to right once more.)
Strangefellow: We're here... to get to the bottom of one thing... MURDER!
(Dramatic music kicks in. Everyone looks around.)
Kitty-Bill: What the fuck was that?
(Sky uneasily moves around in his chair at the mention of murder.)
Strangefellow: Who murdered Bill? Who has killed Disco? WHO STOLE THE COOKIE FROM THE COOKIE JAR...?
Kitty-Bill: That voice...
The possible answers to these questions and more in the next exciting installment of "Murder Mystery Death Blog 4000".
This is a murder mystery story featuring a few of my friends. It takes place in a special deviantARTuniverse that some of you may recognize is we get deeper into it.

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The full title is "Murder Mystery Death Blog 4000: DeviantART"
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PariahKitsune's avatar
BILL stole the cookie from the cookie jar!
Who, me? Couldn't be.
Not you? Then who?